Alright ladies and gents. It looks like summer is over here in Vancity and it's gonna be a lot tougher to keep myself occupied. I'm doing alright, and I've gotten killer at keeping up appearances 9-5, so fives to that.

I've started to cook more, do things out on my own more, and I'm learning to enjoy solitude a bit more. I call it "Forever Alone" training. You can fight, and fight, and be positive, and dream of the day you won't be the way you are, or you can accept yourself and get a move on with life. It's been so long now and while I've definitely learned a lot about myself, and depression in general, I've also become painfully aware of my patterns. The toughest part is being able to predict how I'm going to mess things up and somehow still being unable to stop myself from doing it.

I know who and how I am. I know I ask too much of people. For a long time I thought I was doing everyone else a favour by not allowing them to get too close, but now I've realized I'm doing myself a favour as well. For all the hell I give people - I know they'll get over it, and more importantly, get the fuck over me. The real damage is the guilt I feel, and the knowledge that it's not the first time, nor will it be the last. I think I'm getting better at seeing where to draw the line with my relationships, and so long as I avoid crossing it I think it'll be just fine.

This isn't the solution for everyone, but I think I may have found the right path for me. Here goes nothing!